you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
