it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
