haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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