Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Please, let me fuck your mom
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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