I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
