I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
