I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
