I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
