the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i just google imaged poop.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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