Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
