i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
