I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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