Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
