Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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