My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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