Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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