i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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