If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
