also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
