Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
