I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Randomize
