Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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