Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
