the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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