i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
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