No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize