This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
