the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
