Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
