OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
