he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
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We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
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She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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