shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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