She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
