to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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