is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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