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i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
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