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I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Randomize
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