Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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