if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
whose ass print is on the piano?
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
