I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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