Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
