the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
