yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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