So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
