pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
