with your own penis?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
