so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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