And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
