Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
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