So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
