It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
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I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
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She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
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