she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
two words...techno handjob
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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