I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
