No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
