He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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