My nipple is on Facebook.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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