'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
