I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
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I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
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He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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