you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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