I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
