How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
That accounts for only three of the penises
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
