Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
So much rum. So many feels.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
