My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
