Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
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Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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