i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
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At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Randomize