One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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